{Our Re|Engage Talk}

Monday, January 31, 2011

After receiving several emails and comments from readers asking to hear our talk from Re|Engage we thought we'd go ahead and post it on the blog. Of course this meant Mr. Loerke and I left the house this morning wearing our Wonder Woman and Superman skivvies.
(We do this when we need to feel brave)


Click HERE to listen to our Re|Engage Talk

We trust that you will handle our story with maturity and grace. Even though we only had time to share about 20% of what we've been through, we tried to be as vulnerable as possible in the 25 minutes we were allotted without adding details that would take away from the meaning of our story.

If you have any questions regarding anything we shared please don't hesitate to email us.
We hope you are encouraged.
Em & Tim

NOTE: We also showed several photos during our talk so if you hear laughter in the background it's from these being shown on screen.

112 comments:

Han said...

Thank you for posting this lovelies! I though Loerke was pronounced like Lurk rather than Lurkey - I learnt something new! I'm going to send you an email - It's then upto you whether if i can post as a comment :)

Bianca Pastrana said...

love love love. you guys are wonderful. thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this with your sweet readers. xoxo

Allison and Daniel said...

Thanks for sharing your story of grace and redemption in your marriage.

Brandi said...

Emily and Tim I wanted to tell you that I got to hear the talk in person and it was super. Thank you for opening your heart for so many to benefit. I could relate to so much of what you said and really appreciate your vulnerability. I loved the yellow paper and am glad to have that as well. Super thankful for you two! Brandi S.

Laine L. said...

Thank you so much for sharing this, Loerkes. Your blog and your talk have given me a great starting point (besides the Bible) of what I want in a marriage as my boyfriend and I start thinking more and more seriously about a life together. You are both blessings!

Sarah said...

Why can't I hear it? Is it because I have a Mac? For some reason it's not going through! Dislike!

Kara said...

Thank you so much for sharing your story. It brought tears to my eyes several times because Jesus just shines in the details. He brings beauty out of brokenness. I've never commented before, but I wanted you both to know that I like you even more after hearing this. I appreciate your willingness to be vulnerable with us all!

Perpetual Blind Date said...

Thank you so much for sharing! You inspire us everyday to meet someone and consistently work on the relationship! Thank you!

Hannah DeVries said...

amazing. so, so amazing.

Kristen said...

Excellent words of advice. Love it! :)

dhhargrove said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
dhhargrove said...

Tim and Emily...i too had the joy of hearing yall in person that night. I said that night that you were two of my heroes. Being able to listen in person confirmed it. My heart soars when i see couples working their marriage and the blessings received from making their marriage work.

Thank you both for sharing your life with us.

dhhargrove

Amanda said...

Thank you so much for sharing!

Tali said...

t & e,
i'm so grateful for the testimony of redemption that oozes from your beautiful union. last november i started writing letters to my husband. the letters have continually spurred us on to creatively pursuing one another. sometimes i am so exhausted and don't really "feel" like writing but then i do and he's so blessed and sometimes surprised and i am always, always thankful that i chose/choose to write. it's not about me, anyway.

thanking the Father for you two!

inspired,
tali

Sarah said...

I can't open the file either, I too have a Mac, so I don't know if that's a factor..

Not Hip Enough To Blog said...

Hey Em - loved hearing your story - thanks so much for trusting us with it. It's incredible how much confession and reconciliation can transform relationships and Jesus is such an awesome example of living this out. We were lucky enough to be discipled in this way by one of our best friends (who also married us and did our pre-marriage counselling), and it is one of the most important things about staying on the same page with one another. My parents are also divorced, and I definitely resonate with some of the emotional manipulation/people pleasing/guilt tripping that you spoke of. Wow - we have a lot in common! I'm really thrilled to have connected with you, and look forward to cheering you and Tim on from blogland :)

Ali

Jessica said...

Wow, what an incredible story you both have of what God has done in your lives. I can't tell you the value of actually hearing you share that, rather than reading it. I'm really proud of you guys for going out on a limb and sharing that with the world! You guys are such a blessing!

Jessica
Edmond, OK

Julie Schooley said...

Thank you for sharing!!

Bincy said...

I have a mac and all I see is a lil' question mark :(

Today's Letters said...

han, bianca, allison, brandi, laine, kara, perpetual blind date, hannah, kristen, dhhargrove, amanda, tali, not hip, jessica, and julie, thank you for your encouraging comments. i loved reading each one. grateful for you ...

sarah and bincy, i'll see if i can't get this fixed. we have a mac and can listen to it there and on our iphones no problem. grrr ...

Anonymous said...

I can't see it either. I think it's because I have a mac.

Emilee said...

Even as a single person, I found this talk extremely encouraging. You didn't diminish the allure of marriage, but you also were real and that's so important to a culture that has had fairy tales fed to them. Thank you for being vulnerable and letting Christ shine through you both. You are such a blessing to so many people.

Amber Ashleigh said...

Wow. I, and thousands of others, were totally blessed by this. THANK YOU. Your story is a beautiful illustration of how faithful and healing our God is. You have undoubtedly touched many hearts today. I'm praying for an honest, persistent, let's-start-over-again kind of marriage one day. I appreciate your being vulnerable!

PS- I have a Mac, and Safari didn't work! Try Firefox or Google Chrome. That should do it. :)

Not Hip Enough To Blog said...

I have a mac and am using chrome - it works!

DANA said...

Emily and Tim,
Thank you for sharing. There is no need to try to be brave, we all wish we had the qualities that you have to speak and share like that. Keep doing what you are doing, you are an inspiration.

nicole said...

May the Lord bless and keep you and may the road rise up to meet you. adventure on.

Shannon said...

I am a first-time commenter, but a long-time fan. Thank you for teaching me about mercy and the hope of trying again instead of allowing fears and embarrassment to get in the way of a truly productive and happy life. I am single, but your advice and experiences still apply to the relationships I have now. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Darby said...

I just left you a FB message but I must comment too... you both are so brave and I am so incredibly proud of your vulnerability. Your honesty about your depravity and God's redeeming grace & love will have an eternal impact on hearts. I am so thankful for you two... one day we will meet!!!

Christina and Evan said...

T&E,

Thank you so much for sharing your story, and for being brave enough to let all of us strangers into your lives a little bit each day. I look forward to reading your letters and it's the first thing I do when I get home from work every day. Your relationship is an inspiration to my husband and me.

Blessings on your home.

Stina

Sarah said...

I tried it on the firefox browser on the Mac and it worked!

-y'all are inspiring even to a college student! much appreciation for your honesty.

bonjourvictoria said...

your story inspired so many tears! i truly believe that your transparency is going to go a long way for encouraging, and for just spreading His fame.

i, along with all these other people, am so thankful for yall! :)

Lindsey said...

That you both for sharing :o)

Anonymous said...

Wow...moved. Wish I'd had this earlier in married life...10 years in and not sure we'll see 11...but maybe, just maybe...thanks for a glimmer of hope...

Anonymous said...

Great stuff! Can't wait to share this with my husband tonight (tomorrow is our 4 month wedding anniversary!) Thanks so much for sharing your story!! - Amy in PA

Ames said...

Thank you guys for posting this. I just listened to it while Matt and AC were still sleeping. I cried and laughed. I loved hearing both of your stories- which I really had no idea of-- even being family!! Love you both and thanks for sharing. you both have inspired me to try harder with Mattie, and to examine myself daily....love yall!!

yourstruly said...

The hubby and I listened last night. I have to say I cannot stop thinking about your stories and your encouragement. I have to email you with all of my thoughts, but had to say thank you SO MUCH for allowing Christ to use you. It would have been so easy for y'all to deem this too personal, yet you allowed God's glory to pour through your brokeness. Until I can sit down to email you at length... Love to you both!

Shannon

yourstruly said...

P.S. Is it okay that I link the talk onto my facebook and blog for my friends to check out?

Erin said...

What a wonderful use of 24 minutes of my morning!!!! Just LOVED hearing what you had to say! It was really neat to hear your voices--after being a long time follower of the blog! Your story is a daily inspiration for my fiance and I!!! I was introduced to TODAYS LETTERS by a friend who said your blog reminded her of how I talked about my fiance. (I often call him Mr. B and write notes to him too). I am so grateful she passed on the link because your "story" continues to inspire me and give me hope. Thank you for sharing the good (and not so good) parts of your life with your readers. It really helps us to relate to you and makes us feel like we can overcome obstacles from our past as well.

Michelle said...

The routine of life, kids, career, etc. can make us become complacent about the foundation of the marriage. Your ideas help remind us to think about why we chose our spouse all those years ago and how to stay connected. Thank you.

Jessica said...

Thank you, thank you, brave souls, for sharing your story with us! My husband and I have been endlessly inspired by you both, and have found a beautiful newness in our marriage (after 10 years!) with the guidance of your Tuesday Questions. Hearing your talk was even more inspiring...encouraging me to take that next step, and be active in that desire to create not just a good marriage, but a truly GREAT one.

Hugs to you both!

Darla said...

Precious words.

Knowing your "back" story makes the now so much sweeter. Blessings on you both!

Jennifer K said...

Thank you both for being so brave to share your story with your blog readers. It touched my heart and my soul and has given me things to think about in my own relationship. I, too, recognize that I'm the one who is the stifling our relationship with my inability to fully share myself and admit my peresonal issues. Your blog is wonderful. Thank you again!

Suze said...

My husband and I have been avidly reading your blog for the past couple months. Thank you so much for allowing us to hear your story; we are humbled by your honesty, and it has truly touched our marriage and made our commitment to each other even stronger. Thank you again!

allison said...

Will and I just listened together, taking notes on your weekly questions. Thanks for sharing, Em & Tim.

......From London With Love said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Katie @ Noodle and Boof said...

This is a beautiful, applicable, and touching truth. Thank you for sharing.

yes to brightness said...

I agree with exactly what Emilee said up there about not diminishing the allure of marriage but also being upfront about it's everyday struggle. Your story of redemption is really cool. And thanks for bringing FUN and ROMANCE to your marriage, things I sometimes feel like I'm not allowed to hope for but really desire!

Yall are just the cats pajamas!

AliG said...

Thank you for sharing... I really enjoyed this.

About Us: said...

Thank you for sharing your story and opening your hearts.
Bless you,
Bridgette

La Dolce Vita: The Sweet Life said...

Thank you for this.

Anonymous said...

Dear E & T-

I am encouraged by your story -- thank you for sharing this with others.

Kathy said...

Bless you both for sharing. God's grace is so like those wonder woman and superman skivvies - He makes us brave, ya? I pray someday that our story (my loves and I) can be as encouraging to the peeps around us. We've a ways to go, even though it's been 23 years. The clingys, the velcro, the deep ingrained junk can be like a wine stain on a linen tablecloth. Clinging to the hope in Christ Jesus and praising him for people like you. :)

Ashley said...

Beautiful, just beautiful. Thank you for your bravery and willingness to share to help others.

Also, can I just say that you both have the CUTEST accents? I've read your blog pretty much from the beginning, but hearing your voices puts a whole new spin on things :)

Heather said...

Emily and Tim,
It is a blessing to hear your beautiful story, good and bad, and to know that God IS faithful and there is freedom in truth. Your marriage is an inspiration to me! Thank you so much for sharing.

Blessings!

Aubrey said...

Love this. Thanks for sharing.

Maria@Live Beautifully said...

Em,
Frank and I listened to this together and it was a blessing to us. Thanks for sharing lovely!
hugs,
Fraulein

Jennie and Devin said...

I don't know either of you. In fact, this is the first time I have ever visited your blog. I saw a link on Darby's latest post, which took me to this post/talk you recently gave. Heavenly Father knew what I needed to hear. I can relate to so many of the aspects you both shared, and have often found myself internally wondering if I am the only one feeling the way I feel in my marriage. My husband and I are both works in progress, and daily rely on the Lord's help...but I LOVE the 10 things you listed at the end. There are some really great ideas in there to spice things up, and pursue one another the way we did when we were dating. Thank you so much for being honest and real...there is freedom in being humble and genuine, and you both have proven that!

RachelRuelas said...

i'm unbelieably thankful for your words. I am a 25 year old female, going through divorce. my husband just left. no real reason, no real time to fight. but my Lord is faithful, and you all have reminded me that a truly sweet, growing marriage IS possible. thank you!

Today's Letters said...

I wish you all could truly know how grateful Tim and I are for all of your encouraging comments and emails regarding our talk. We are beyond humbled by your love and support! e & t

Tanya Pittman said...

Wow, what an awesome testimony!

Erin said...

thanks for proving that vulnerability is beautiful and for being brave enough to work the "junk". it's lovely to know there are other's out there journeying with us.

Anne said...

Thankyou for sharing your story and being so open and vulnerable. :)

Drawing Near said...

Thank you for sharing your story. Your authenticity and willingness to share some of the hard stuff is very encouraging.

Grace @ Arms Wide Open said...

amazing story, amazing journey. thank you for sharing with us!

Meghan said...

Absolutely inspiring. You guys truly have worked hard to make your marriage last and that's something to be so proud of. I will look to you when I take that step. Thank you for sharing your story.

Livyb said...

You two are so awesomely brave to share this story with us. Thank you! I loved hearing your voices too-who'd of thought you'd have a southern accent living in Dallas? ;)

Robbi R. said...

Loved hearing your story from reengage!! So blessed to hear what God has done in and through your marriage. Can't wait to someday use your tips and questions on some hot hubba bubba!! =D

agirlonafarm said...

Wow, thank you. Thank you for putting yourselves out there and being able to admit your wrongs. That takes two very strong people. Thank you for the tips as well, I just implemented one of them yesterday!

jessica said...

Tim and Em..thanks so much for sharing your story! I love your vulnerability and am going to make my husband sit down and listen to this with me tonight. Although I feel that our relationship is already great, we still have a lot of "junk" from our upbringing (more so me than him) that we need to work through and I LOVE the idea of journaling to each other! So precious! The Lord does restore the years the locusts have eaten and I am so glad He is active and present in our lives!

codi.susanne said...

This blessed me so much. Thank you for having the courage to share. I took notes on the Top 10 and will be sharing with my hubs!

CAW said...

Behind every heart lies a story- thanks for sharing yours- you are both truly precious !!!

Serene said...

You two are amazing (because God is amazing!). Thank you so much for this inspiration. I am enamoured with your blog and surprised at where you have come from after reading this blog for a bit already. Again thanks...God works in transparency:)

Suzanne said...

I can connect with your story on so many levels! I'm so happy for you two and grateful to have heard your story. May God continue to bless you abundantly!

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for sharing this! May God continue to bless your marriage!

Anonymous said...

Dear Emily, I would love to listen to the audio file, but can't seem to figure out how to/ where to click. If you can help, that would be great. Knew your sister Sarah well from days at k2! Thanks, bronwyn rapp
Bronwyn@kanakuk.com

Steph said...

em & tim,

thank you so much for having the courage to post this on the blog. i am blessed by your transparency and by the way you continually point back to Christ and the Word.

blessings and leg kicks!
steph

AtOneWithHim said...

I have been married for 22 years. Most not happy. Satan is a bastard.. and we sure haven't done our part to protect our marriage. We sure have done our part, more than enough to damage it.
I commend you for seeking knowledge on how to repair and and grow in a healthy way. I envy you for it.
I'm pretty sure we wont ever divorce, at least that isn't in our vocabulary. I'm not sure we will ever be happy or have the ability to grow as you have. We have never been the kind of couple to even use the tools even when they are handed to us on a silver platter. We have the Bible, we have prayer, we have (on his side) a loving Christian example of a marriage. It just seems like after all these years we just "are". We exist and not to the fullest. It's sad and wasteful. But I am happy that you are not just existing and happy that at your young years into marriage you both knew what was, wasn't good enough.

Alison said...

Thank you so much, Emily and Tim, for being so open and vulnerable. God is using you both in mighty ways and I know marriages are strengthening because of you both! Emily, although I met you at TU I so appreciated hearing more about your life before Taylor. I have so much love and respect for you. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I'm so blessed by you!

Country Boy + City Girl said...

I am so encouraged by this, thank you so much for sharing!

Anonymous said...

SO encouraged by this..the timing of this is perfect..THANK YOU, for openly sharing your testimony to others! I know it has already blessed hundreds of couples. Great scripture references and ideas for marriage. Hope you guys had a great Valentine's day!:)

Amanda Belitz

cait said...

So blessed and encouraged by your words!! Thank you for sharing your testimony. What an amazing story of God's grace and redemption! Thank you for moving with God's prompting of your hearts in sharing your story. Your vulnerability is such a wonderful example.

Blessings to you guys!

theweightofdreams said...

much needed encouragement :-)

may God's grace always abound in your hearts and relationship

kelsey williams said...

Wow. Thank you so much for sharing this. Your honestly and openness is so awesome to see. My childhood/background is nearly identical to Tim's. My husband and I's marriage (which we now blog about) is only strong because we've been very intentional and have taken classes. (God is good!)

Garnish with the Bizarre said...

i know this is something i'll be listening back on in years to come.ye're immense.well done

Kimbojamma said...

Finally got around to listening...I will definately suggest to every new couple to listen to your talk. You guys have it going on! A blessing...an inspiration...humbling. Thank you for sharing.

Callie Glorioso said...

Sincere thanks for your humble openness which has impacted many. I am recently engaged and realizing more than ever that we cannot have a good marriage on our own (It is all Jesus and dying to self). I can't wait to share this with my fiancée and hopefully implement some of these suggestions in our marriage.

m.e. said...

Beautifully vulnerable. Well spoken and full of graceful love. Thank you for posting this. I know it will make a difference in my life and others'.

lisadanielleh said...

I feel incredibly blessed that I found your blog, read your story, and listened to this talk that you shared today. My husband and I have only been married for 3 months, and we were surprised at the amount of conflict that cropped up after our wedding day. We are working at our marriage all the time - some days are better than others - but each of have our own selfishness that can be truly appalling. It is so meaningful to us to hear other couples share about their struggles and victories -- we only wish that more couples were open and honest about their marriages, particularly the early years, so that we could all learn together. Thank you for sharing this part of your lives!

Today's Letters said...

lisa, thanks so much for your sweet comment! one thing tim and i have learned is that there is are no marriage problems, just single problems that we bring into marriage. the things i struggled with before i met tim are the things i still struggle with as a wife. the beauty of marriage is that it can be used as an opportunity for growth and sharpening. we're still learning new ways to conflict well, even 6 yrs into marriage! xoxo

Tracy said...

I have been reading Today's Letters for about a year and a half, and I finally listened to your talk! My husband and I have been married for a little more than a year, and your insights have really helped us work through some of our differences. Thank you so much for your thoughtful words of encouragement!

Today's Letters said...

tracy, thanks for your sweet comment! so encouraged to hear you've been reading our blog for so long ... grateful you would take the time to listen to our re:engage talk. keep working hard at intentionally pursuing your husband! xoxo

Anonymous said...

How encouraging! Thank you for sharing so openly and for an amazing blog! Found it on pinterest and am now ready to establish a few of your ideas into my marriage and to even share with our 5 children. We live in Toowoomba, Australia.

Today's Letters said...

thanks for taking the time to listen to our talk! ps, i've always wanted to visit australia! perhaps someday.

Heather (Martin) Zeilman said...

Em (and Tim) -

Tim's in parenthesis b/c I've never met him before. My husband was called onto a fire, so I've had a few days home alone over the holiday weekend to work on projects, sit, think, etc. It's been longer than I can remember since I've seen your blog, but it came to mind today. I had to Google your name to find it, and the page that popped up was from your Re-Engage talk. Vic and I have been married almost two years, and it blessed me today to hear your talk. Although we have not had the same struggles these first two years as those you talk about, we definitely hit them before our engagement! I was reminded today to not glide while things are good, but to remember to never be naive in thinking that things will just continue without work. I remember my interview with Highland Park so many years ago, and smile today thinking about you showing me around the beautiful K-Life house there! We didn't know one another well, but I can hear a sweet spirit in you through your blogs - and now through your shared talk with Tim. I'm not sure I have much else to say, but listening begged a response! Thank you - and if you and Tim should ever want a Colorado adventure, you've an open invite.

Today's Letters said...

heather, there are no words! so grateful you found us ;) wish you, vic, tim and i could sit on the patio at eno's and catch up over pizza and beer. if you're ever in dallas ... xoxo

Mary said...

Such beautiful vulnerability! I loved your talk for its wonderful insight into the challenges of married life and the way that grace can allow us to struggle through these challenges together. It also made me appreciate your positive energy even more knowing the struggles that the two of you have experienced in your families and as a couple. Thanks so much for sharing.

Today's Letters said...

mary, thanks for taking the time to listen to part of our story! i'm always amazed that people will carve out 25 min of their day to do this. xo

Jenn Kittler, Mississippi said...

Thank you both so much for your transparency and honesty. It is really a breath of fresh air! I happen to stumble upon your blog, but God knew what he was doing when he opened this site to me! Keep writing... God is using you! Thanks again!
Jenn

Today's Letters said...

jenn, thank you for taking the time to listen to our talk! grateful you found our blog ... so much love for mississippi! xoxo

Molly said...

I've just recently stumbled upon your blog and have been reading through whenever I can find time this past week. I have found everything you post to be uplifting and inspirational--I have no doubt that God led me to your pages. I dont know if I'm just too late in the game, but the audio for your Re Engage talk is not here?? I would love to listen to it! Thank you! xx Molly

Today's Letters said...

molls, so glad you found our blog! click on the audio player directly under the above photo. it should still work. xoxo

Molly said...

Loerkeinators--it must not be my lucky day, because no matter which browser I use, no audio player appears! Thanks for responding, and, in your own words "Happy freaking Monday, homie!"

Today's Letters said...

molls, shoot me your email! i'll send it to you via evernote. em@todaysletters.com

Harriet said...

Any chance I could have the audio of this too? I had this saved away in my advice for the future bookmark folder after listening last January and as we're getting married in 8 weeks I feel like the future might be now!
Thanks very much,
Harriet

leah said...

your story was beautiful and honest - I am newly married, live in Tulsa, used to live in Dallas, have recently discovered your blog and immediately identified with it for obvious reasons (partly I just love reading about life in Dallas) but the more I have read, the more challenged I have been to not waste a single day of my new marriage p.s. I love that y'all celebrate the little things

Today's Letters said...

leah, so sweet! appreciate you taking the time to listen to our talk. love that you're from tulsa / dallas and can identify with our world :) keep celebrating all things little. xoxo

Anonymous said...

What an amazing story! I can completely relate to the first two year struggles and am just now realizing with the help and grace of God that I am a cause of the issues in my marriage. I could say that I "accidentally" came across this blog but there a re no accidents with God! Thank you for your encouragement and I will surely be putting your Tuesday questions into play as well as your ten things for a better marriage! god bless you both!

Anonymous said...

You guys are awesome. I loved hearing your story, love your blog. I think I might love you too. ;) Found you through Pinterest. You are so brave to talk about your story and it touched me and I'm sure so many others. God Bless you both.

Today's Letters said...

anony, thanks for taking the time to listen to our story. you're gracious!

Ashley said...

Em,
I don't know why I haven't listened to this sooner... but I took the time tonight. So glad that I did. Thank you for sharing your story and for offering true encouragement without the fluff that doesn't matter. Love to you both (and congrats on the house!). XO

Today's Letters said...

ash, i miss you! plain and simple. humbled that you took the time to listen to our talk. god is faithful to take our mess and turn it into something beautiful. definitely don't deserve that he does, but thankful for this precious gift. keep in touch sweet girl! xoxo

Sarah said...

Wonderful story! Gives me courage. It is so beautiful that you were committed to each other and sought the Lord!

Emily,
I can totally relate to your story. I struggle with control, fear of abandonment and rejection, and it has pushed my marriage to a point of separation and God forbid Divorce!

You can search and search the internet for guidance, but I had not found anything that spoke to me about how my actions were causing my husband so much pain, until I listened to your story today. Thank you for sharing this part of your lives!!
Sarah

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